Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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