Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
