I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
