There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
