We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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