And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
