everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize