youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
