Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
