i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
