Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
