***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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