You smell like a Billy Joel song
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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