I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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