For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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