You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
