Someone shit on the floor
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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