i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
His nipple licking is glorious
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