Can Purell be used as lube?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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