i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
