Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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