she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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