just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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