Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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