I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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