I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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