Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I want to fling myself into the sun
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
