Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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