bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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