I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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