I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I feel like abortions should bother me more
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
