He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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