i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
