Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize