I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
