This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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