The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize