this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
