i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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