Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
