I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
