True but thats because hes a fetus.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
