Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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