True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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