I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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