You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize