tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
