he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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