The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
