When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
