Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
