i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
