Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
