How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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