Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
