These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
