are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
