She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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