So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
