I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
