non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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