Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
