It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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