sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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