ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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