Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
