i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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