Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
