It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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