Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
