I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
