The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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