I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Let's paint friendship bongs
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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